Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
