i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
