i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Farmville is her only friend.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
