Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
