I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
