matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
