Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
