Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
