K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
