This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
