You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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