i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
