im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
