she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We're too hungover to prance.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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