Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
