Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize