I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
