He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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