It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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