WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
