i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
