My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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