I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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