Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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