Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
sarcasm needs its own font
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My vagina is officially offended.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
