Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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