Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Drake has all the answers
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
