he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize