I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
