i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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