dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
