I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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