Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
