I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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