yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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