we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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