Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
