Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
