Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
