Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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