The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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