I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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