for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
