there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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