She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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