in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
