So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
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Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize