We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
