Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize