Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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