FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
