Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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