i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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