If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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