this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
