I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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