I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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