and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
