At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The Olympian is in my bed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
