the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize