My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
