somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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